Homosexuality: Programming or Choice?

rECenTLy, a friend commented on a facebook page that homosexuality is a lifestyle choice. That comment, as you might expect, ruffled some feathers because some of us believe we have no power to change our nature whereas some of us believe we are responsible for our lifestyle choices including sexual preferences. This is my take on the matter with no intention to judge anyone.

In my opinion, human sexual behaviour is a result of complex influences: genetic make up, childhood programing, peer pressure, family orientation, associations, geography, education, economy and, of course, spirituality! These influences do not leave large rooms for choices I must say but thankfully we are not eternal slaves to them either, and that's a good thing!

Seriously, wouldn’t life be totally miserable if we just lived as slaves to programming, feelings and tendencies? Imagine how life would be like if everybody did ‘EVERYTHING’ they are inclined to doing! Isn’t that why there is law and order, decorum and values to guide us? As adults we have all said no to some feelings/inclinations (sexual or not) either because we knew we were not ready for the responsibilities or consequences that follow or because we had more important stakes ahead. We would not encourage a nine year old girl- for example -have sexual relations with her ‘boyfriend’ just because her sex hormones signalled her brains that it is natural to do so. Likewise, we would consider it absurd for a human male or female to have sexual relations with a dog, cow or corpse even if such desires may come naturally to some people. So, we have common grounds for behavioural choices.

Obviously, we don't do everything we feel like doing. We do things based on our set of beliefs and we chose to believe what we believe. I believe human beings have the rights and abilities to either follow or suppress their feelings /inclinations in all matters of life including sexual preferences. We can say no or yes to any form of sexual feelings/inclinations even though these feelings come to us naturally. If this were not the case, the law would not require us to make certain sex-related decisions only when we are 18 or older as these choices come with responsibilities and consequences.

The life we end up with then, is primarily a product of choices based on our values and internal powers rather than programming of any sort. Besides, each of us has it in us to keep a particular mental program or re-write it no matter how helpless we may feel. Ken Keyes Jr. said it right “You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for fixing it”.

It may not be our fault or choice that we are programmed to behave the way we do however, as adults it would be our fault or choice to either end up that way or create a better life. When you think about it, each of us behave the way we do not necessarily because we are naturally inclined to behaving in such ways but because it is easier for us to take the path of least resistance than to confront opposing or compelling influences. Yes, it is easier to follow our feelings than to take responsibility over our impulses whether these impulses are natural or artificial. But truth is, people can change their behaviours if they really want to. Otherwise, why would our behaviour change significantly when we are terrified? Everyone switches to a survival mode when frightened and our survival instincts quickly modify our behaviours in attempt to overpower the invading influence. All human beings are created with this special inherent ability to adapt, adjust or control our environments and circumstances.

By now you probably know what my conclusion is: homosexuality is a sexual preference based on the individual’s set of values and internal powers. This internal power and set of values shape our lifestyle. Stephen Covey, in his book “The 7 habits of highly effective people” said. “You can say no and smile only when there is a bigger yes burning inside”. The key to making a great lifestyle choice is having great internal powers to say yes or no. This internal power has a measure of willpower but unfortunately, willpower alone cannot take us too far. That is where spirituality comes in. When some weird internal influences compel us from within and without to do things we don't want to do or worse -things we hate to do- what we need is not just willpower but spiritual power! This kind of spiritual power comes from having internal system re-orientation -a mind transplant literarily. That is what a relationship with Jesus Christ does for us. I would leave that matter for separate discussion! 

Thank you for your time!

............Begin 2011 With a Compelling Dream

In 1982, Disney World in Orlando, Florida finished work on the Epcot center. Walt Disney had recently passed away, so the Disney executives asked his wife to cut the ribbon and say a few words. When the master of ceremony called her up to the podium, he smiled and said," "Mrs Disney, I just wish Walt could have seen this!" She smiled and responded: "He did."


Walt Disney saw the Disney World long before anyone else did. He saw it when it was only a dream. The rest of the world saw it only when it became reality.


Nothing exists in the physical that was not first a dream or a thought. This is true for building a home or taking a vacation, going out on a date or marrying a spouse, anything. If you are to handle it in your hands you must first incubate it in your heart. Every reality begins with a dream. If you desire a successful year end by December 31, 2011, you must begin with a dream. Here is why:


1. Dream facilitates recognition. If my desired end state by December 31, 2011 is to be married, I must start with a vivid imagination of the kind of spouse I desire. Would she be a national or international? Would she be a smoker or non-smoker? Would she be a good home manager or would she be a good money spender? Would she be introverted or would she be extroverted? You get the gist.


I would have to develop a mental picture of my desired spouse and carry her with me everywhere I go or else I won’t recognize her when I find her. But with my mental picture, I will pass by a money spender when I see one because she does not fit the picture I have. But when I see a good home maker I would stop to examine her closely and if she has other major qualities I would not waste time in making my decision. Why? because I had a dream!


If we don’t know what we are looking for we would not recognize it when we find it. In reality, nothing is missing; we just don’t know where to find them. We must find whatever we are looking for in a dream before we can find them on ground. Dream makes recognition easy.


2. Dream ignites passion. A compelling dream would make you restless. A good dreamer knows that if you do not arise you will not arrive but you cannot arise until you are passionate about your dream. It is the gap between our desired end state and our current state that gets us up and sets us in motion towards our goal. Dream ignites passion.


3. Dream sparks creativity. Those who are satisfied with their status quo can’t dream but those who desire a better state dream of a better state. It is this desire for a better state that gets us thinking of better ways to create it. The moment you have a dream, your mind will go into motion to generate ideas for fulfilling that dream. What we don’t dream we can’t create. What we don’t desire we don’t deserve.


To spark your creativity, ask questions why-not-questions. It was Robert Kennedy who said: There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not? Questions open the door to answers. Intelligent questions open door to intelligent answers. The type of question you ask determines the type of answers u get. No question, no answer

4. Dream attracts resources. If I dream of owning a house by December 31, 2011, I would start to pay special attention to my resources. I would start to look for ways to increase my income and decrease my outgo. Then I would begin to approach a bank or the people that can help me make my dream a reality. When they ask me why I need the resources that I am looking for I would let them know it is for my dream house. Chances are, these people will be more likely to help me if I can show them my dream house. Suppose I have no dream of anything and I approach a friend or bank to ask for money and they want to know what I need the money for? I would say, oh don’t worry about it, just give me some money I know what to do with it. Chances are no one will give me the resources that I am looking for. The more powerful your dream is, the faster and better the resources it will attract. Dreams attract resources.


5. Dream provokes supernatural backing. There is a powerful story of four beggars in 2 Kings 7:3-20 who had a dream of breakthrough in a severe recession. The recession was so bad that people turned to carnivals to survive. Of course that meant no one had anything to spare for a beggar. One day, these four men who were also lepers said to themselves, "Why should we sit here, waiting to die? Let's sneak over to the Syrian army camp and surrender. They might kill us, but they might not." That evening the four men got up and left for the Syrian camp. As they walked toward the camp, the Lord caused the Syrian troops to hear what sounded like the roar of a great army. The soldiers said to each other, "Listen! The king of Israel must have hired Hittite and Egyptian troops to attack us. Let's get out of here!" So they ran out of their camp that night, leaving their tents and horses and donkeys. When the four men with leprosy reached the edge of the Syrian camp, no one was there. They walked into one of the tents, where they ate and drank, before carrying off clothes, as well as silver and gold. They hid all this, then walked into another tent; they took what they wanted and hid it too.

Had these lepers not dreamed of a better life and moved, chances are they would have died at the gate begging for arlms. Dreams backed up with action moves God on our behalf.


How to start dreaming today!
To initiate an achievable dream, first you must be disatified with the state of things. Dreaming of a better life is not possible when you are satisfied with the present life you are living. No matter where you are, things can get better. Give up your present to get a better you.

Second, back your desire with action. A dream without action is a sleep. Do what you can do and and God will do for you what you cannot do for yourself.

Third, dream in comprehensible bites. While it is good to dream big, a wild dream that cannot fit into your imagination capacity is probably too wild. Start small and grow big. Dream of little achievable dreams and grow.

Fouth, Expose yourself to pictures of a "better life". This is perhaps the most important fuel for dream. What you don't know about, you can't imagine and what you don't imagine you won't desire. We know, mainly by seeing and listening. Open your eyes and ears. Know what life could offer you not just what life has offered you.
Lift up your eyes from the place where you are and see the stars! Imargine the best and see yourself in a better state of life.  Remember,"nothing shall be refrained from them that they have imagined to do" Dreams do come true. Dream your way to a better life. START TODAY! (see how Jacob acrchieved his dream Gen 30:31-43)


Conclusion
Dream is the foundation of every creation. God dreamed of human race and said, “let us make man in our own image” and human race came into existence. No dream no reality. What you don’t dream, you don’t desire and what you don’t desire you don’t deserve and won't have. To fail to dream it is to fail to have it or at least you will have the wrong one. Start dreaming of a better life today!

 “Lift your eyes now and look from the place where you are—northward, southward, eastward, and westward; for all the land which you see I give to you and your descendants forever. (Gen 13:14,15)

And the LORD said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them (Gen 11:6)


3Every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, that have I given unto you, as I said unto Moses. (Jos 1:3)


It is not enough to understand, or to see clearly. The future will be shaped in the arena of human activity, by those willing to commit their minds and their bodies to the task. Robert Kennedy


The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
J.M Power

Take these steps and become a better you in 2011

For Ladies Only: 12 Ways To Know If He's The Right Guy

LaDieS, dont be fooled by looks, lips and paycheques;
not all that glitters is gold.
Let me share with you some godly proven principles
that would guide you in finding the guy that fits.
I call them "Red and Green Lights On the Road to Alter"

1. Check your own health and readiness before you check the guy out.

You need to deal with any baggage from the past before entering a new relationship.
Many people transpose old feelings and hurts on new relationships and ruin great potentials by so doing. Wait until you are healed from past painful experiences or beautiful memories of old soul ties.
Nobodies like to be squeezed into the mold of another person, good or bad.

Checking your own health and readiness also means
ensuring you are in the will of God in your personal life
before seeking the will of God in your marital life.
A marriage does not make people it is the people that make a marriage.
Measure your readiness by how well you have surrendered your will to God.
It is difficult to know what God wants for you when you already know
what you want for yourself.
Ask yourself "if God tells me
to walk away from this relationship today,
how willing am I to obey?"
Presence of pain from the past and
unwillingness to surrender to God is red light.
Selflessness and freedom from the past is green light

2. Ask your guy, why he thinks you are special or different from other girls

I am sure you want to hear better answers than "you take my breath away",
“being with you is like being in heaven” or "I don’t know but i just love you".
If he cannot tell you in concrete terms why you stand out from other girls
he may not know why he will leave you for another girl.
Look for answers that tell you how he thinks you have what it takes
to help him accomplish his life mission
as well as how he plans to add value to you in the process

3. Ask him where he sees himself in the next five years or foreseeable future

No one knows tomorrow but a man old enough to marry
must have a clear direction for his life or he is not qualified
to take another person with him.
If he cannot show you a clear picture of his future,
he probably has no idea where he is heading. Red light, don't proceed.
A guy who knows where he is coming from and where he is going is the right guy

4. Watch how he treats his mom and siblings

Charity they say begins at home. What a person is at home is what he really is.
If he treats his folks disrespectfully because he wants to be with you or please you, it is only a matter of time before he starts treating you disrespectfully when you become a member of his immediate family
Treats folks respectfully? Green light! Treats folks disrespectfully? Red light!

5. Watch how he walks

Some may not think walking habit has anything to say about a relationship but it does. Walking ahead of you and not looking back to see how you are doing is indication he may not care much about your well being. Walking behind you is usually a good sign of protection and care especially when boarding a bus or in a rowdy mall. Walking side by side is expression of friendship and support.
Unless where making a pathway demands it, walking ahead of you is red light.
Walking beside you or behind you is green light for the most past

6. Look out for signs of unrest within you

When present, feelings of urgency or unrest usually indicate danger. Be very careful and do not proceed Generally, God leads his people by peace – the kind of peace that surpasses all human reasoning.
That means your guy may not be very good looking or have a lot of money
but you will not be afraid of your financial future.
He may be very handsome and rich
but you will not be afraid he will dump you or take advantage of you.
Never proceed when you feel uneasy about him or his ways.
It could be God’s way of saving you from trouble.
Unrest is red light. Peace is green light

7. Watch his giving habit.

Miserly people are hardly transformed and transformed people are hardly miserly.
You need a transformed guy. He carries within him the giving nature of God by default.
Please understand that being miserly is different from being prudent, which is a good management quality.
Prudent people may be strict but never stingy in the negative sense.
A giving habit is green light. Withholding habit is red light

8. Does he ask your opinion before making major decisions?

You will know how well he respects you when it's time to make major decisions.
Guys who think your brain worth less than a dime won’t bother asking you what you think about an issue.
In many cases such guys won’t also think twice before dumping you
along the way the moment they find a smarter person.
Two heads are better than one. If his head is good enough, you are not needed
Couples that plan together stay together

9. Ask him what you can do for him, anything!

If he asks for sex, it means a few things: he loves your body not you, he wants fun not a future, he has little self control, he is self centered and has little respect for you or your feelings. That’s red light, don't proceed.
If he asks your help in becoming a better person for the dream family
or some long term goals that includes you, that’s green light.

10. Ask him to share his biggest mistake with 
woman, power, money, and God and the lessons he learned.

Agreed, this is not a question you want to ask on a first date
 but do not proceed to the alter without it.
The right guy is the guy who has learned and
applied lessons in these four major areas.
If he is protective, he has not learned.
People are generally free to share a past they have conquered.
You would want to know what he learned from his ex
and what he would do better now.
Look for examples where he applied lessons learned.
Don't marry a toddler-guy without any life lessons.
he will treat you like a toy and throw you in the trash when he is done.
Toddler-guys ruin relationships.

11. Analyze your chemistry of attraction.

Are you attracted by love or by lust?
Love sustains but lust fades.
Love gives, lust takes.
Love waits, lust wants it now.
Bad chemistry is body exploration for sensual gratification:
red light, don't proceed.
Good chemistry is compatibility in atmosphere of respect and selflessness:
green light, proceed with caution

12. Pray and trust God to lead you in the right path

There is no magic way to find the right guy.
There is a way that seem right to a person but the end leads death.
Human beings judge by appearance but God judge by the heart.
Make the Lord your shepherd, he knows where the right guy is and he will lead you.
Commit your ways to the lord, trust also in him and he will direct your path. Unless the Lord guides you all your efforts may end in vain or at best lead you to the fake guy.
Pray and proceed in faith.

You will succeed!

@Solidrock
We seek and follow divine directions!

Do This, Whenever You Feel Discouraged!

aRe yoU losing sleep over expectations not met?

Tired of the results in your life, church, community and nation?

Overwhelmed by the loss in your business, career, marriage, health or finances?

Frustrated at work by what you do, what you earn and who you work with?

Losing hope of catching up with those gone ahead of you?

You are neither alone nor unreasonable!

Many people are not very satisfied by with their progress reports. It could be the level of progress in their careers, finances, business, parenting, physical fitness, finding a suitable marriage partner or raising a family. Whatever it is, we just want to conquer more teritories and advance. The situation gets really frustrating when we compare ourselves to people we started with or even worse, people who started after us but have gone ahead. This makes us sink low and sigh: “I deserve more than this” Quite frankly, you may have good reasons to feel the way you do. No one likes to be behind; I don’t.

But here is what we do not often give a serious thought:

Our source of frustration or lack of satisfaction is not necessarily the situation we are in but the comparisons of our situation and the situations of our friends, neighbours, or co-workers.

Three examples from Scriptures prove this standpoint:

a. Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:3-6)

These two brothers brought offering to God. God accepted Abel’s but did not accept Cain’s because of Cain;s attitude. Cain got upset and murdered his brother, Abel. Do you think Cain was necessarily unhappy because he got poor results or because Abel got better results than he did? Think about it, if both Cain and Abel had had the same poor results would Cain have been frustrated? I don’t think so; not as much as killing his brother. Cain’s real source of frustration then was not the situation itself but the comparison of his situation and that of his brother’s

b. Two Nursing Mothers and King Solomon (1Kings 3:16-27)

Two nursing mothers had a dispute over a dead child and came to King Solomon for resolution. One woman argued that her son was alive and that her rival’s son was dead. The other woman insisted that the dead son was her rivals and hers was alive. Then Solomon said ‘let’s divide the living son into two and give half to each of you”. The woman whose son was dead quickly agreed, “yes, neither you nor I will have him. Cut him in two” (1Kings 3:26). This statement revealed that the woman whose son was dead was not just frustrated because her son died but because her mate’s son was alive whereas her was dead. With this attitude, of course, it was easy for the King to know the true mother. People are not frustrated about their failures but about the successes of other people.

c. The Vineyard Workers (Matt 20:1-16)

Two sets of workers: those who worked twelve hours and those who worked 1 hour. The interesting thing is that the vineyard owner decided to pay everyone the same wages. The first set got upset about this equality because they expected to receive more. But just what was their expectation based on? Certainly not on the contract for they had agreed to accept a denarius a day. The landowner had to ask them: did you not agree to receive a denarius a day or are you envious because I am generous? Take what is your and go away. Had the first set of workers not seen what the second group earned, they would have gone home happy with what they had.

From these three examples, we may conclude that our real source of frustration or lack of satisfaction is not the situation itself but the comparisons of our situations and the situations of other people.

Start your journey from discouragement to fufilment today by counting your own blessings; not the blessings of other people!

Truth is, inequality is a fact of life. There will always be the rich and the poor. You will get ahead of some, some will get ahead of you. But who says those who have gone ahead of you today will forever be ahead? God can thrust further in your career, marriage, business and life in one hour than others have accomplished in eleven years!

Don’t freak yourself out because God has been generous to others. Count your own blessings. God’s generosity to others does not in any way reduce God’s generosity to you. Besides, have you realized that some of your blessings are prayer points for some other people? All you have now is all you need now. Where you are now is where you ought to be now. The cure for envy, strife, fights and breakups is counting our own blessings. Unrealistic expectation leads to frustration and frustrations eat up the bones. That’s not God’s will for us.

I love the lyrics:

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed.

When you are discouraged thinking all the time.

Count your many blessings name them one by one

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Does counting our own blessings mean we should not aim high or be satisfied with status quo? Not at all!  We need a measure of discontentment to make progress in life. We must constantly shoot for greater heights. Counting your own blessings means, we must not continue to live in discouragement because of what others have which we do not have. We must not allow our desires, hopes, dreams of tomorrow rob us of the beauty of today and the fulfilment that comes from little achievements. You certainly are not where you used to be. Like Joyce Meyer puts it, keep enjoying everyday life on your way to where you are going.

You will succeed!

@Solidrock

 We Enjoy the moment. Come!