How You Say It Matters

"Inside every man is a king and a lion. It is the one you speak to that will answer you" Anonymous

Let me begin with a true story of a couple who demonstrated the incredible power of words. His name was Nabal and her name was Abigail. Nabal was crude and mean. Abigail was sensible and beautiful. They were very wealthy and lived in the wilderness of Maon. One day, the King David sent a team of his men on errands and they needed Nabal's assistance. But Nabal was crude and mean even though the King's men had been very courteous to Nabal. "who does the king think he is anyway?” Nabal screamed at the king's men. When the King heard it, he wasted no time. He instructed 400 of his warrior to get their swords. Jumping on his horse, they started off, vowing to exterminate Nabal and all that he owned.

Meanwhile, news of the King's rage got to Abigail and she moved quickly. She instructed her servants to get some presents ready, mounted her horse and ran up to meet the king before he got to them. Using her good sense and soft speaking, Abigail appeased the king with his armed men and saved her and her family’s life. You can read the whole story in (1 Samuel 25). Had Nabal used words like Abigail did, there would not have been threats of war in the first place. While Nabal's words drew swords, Abigails words drew friendship. It is important to choose our words.

Feelings are volatile when in contact with unguided words, take precaution!

Words are extremely volatile substances and if not handled with caution could cause extensive damage to anything and everyone they fall upon. Words have removed people from prestigious positions and placed nobodies on the king’s thrones. The person who says “talk is cheap” has not taken inventory of the cost of improperly used words. I like to think of emotion like gasoline in a storage tank. Gasoline is useless unless it comes in contact with some form of ignition. If you draw gasoline from a storage tank and channel it through the appropriate system, it will move the engine to accomplish your objective. However, if you bring a fire to that same tank of gasoline, you could destroy not only the gasoline, but a whole city and the people in it. Emotion is to relationships what gasoline is to automobile. Emotion needs words to burn and move the relationship forward. However, if you expose human emotion to “naked words” you could destroy relationships, people and a whole city. Nothing stirs up emotion as easily as words and nothing destroys relationships faster than unguided words

Depending on who is using it and how it is used, words can bring peace and words can bring wars. Words bring blessing and curses. Words bring friends and enemies. Words bring love and hate. Words motivate and demoralize. Whether you get commotion or locomotion from the use of your words depends on how you use them to stir emotions of other people. Words, if not handled with caution could cause fire and expensive damages to anything and everyone they fall on. I have seen little things turn to big problems because of poor use of words. The Bible says soft answer turns away wrath but rash words bring fight. Proverbs (15:1). I have made some mistakes with the use of words and learned some lessons. I am still learning but I have observed two good qualities in people who use words wisely and I want to share them with you.

1. Be quick to listen. Did you know that most of what we say are responses to what others have said? That is why it's good to listen first. If we don't, our response will likely be wrong. I have made mistakes myself and responded to things that I later realized I did not understand at first. I will continue to improve my listening skills but here is one good quality I have observed in good listeners that help them respond to situations effectively: Good listeners listen quick. By 'quick' I mean smart, prompt and purposeful. A good listener will always:

a) Listen promptly.. The bible says a prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions, but the simple keeps going and suffers for it. What you choose to ignore may save your life. Paying attention to what is going on around us is not all about gossip but a smart listening skill to develop. If you do not understand what is going on, how can you choose whether to respond or to ignore?

b) Listen smart. You listen smart if you are able to hear in-between words. Meaning, you are able to pick what is not said out of the much or little that is said. This requires a quick assessment of the situation to understand motives and goals.

c) Listen empathically. You listen emphatically if you listen to understand a matter from another's perspective. Listening with prejudices or pre-determined responses often shut us out of the real thing. 

2. Be slow to speak. Just because you know what to say does not mean you should say it. Some things are better left unsaid or unwritten. This is especially important in the day of twitter, facebook or linked in. Have you noticed that there are more analysts than there are solution providers? Learning to speak less than you think you should is wisdom. Does this mean you should avoid speaking the truth? Not at all. There are some things that must be said even though it is known beforehand that they would ruffle feathers. However, it is smart to choose our words and to not speak hastily. 

This week, as you go about your life and business listen smart. Pay prompt attention to what you hear, listen on purpose and be slow to speak. Always remember that words can transport you to your desired destination if used in proper manner but they are also volatile and can destroy relationships if used in improper manner. You will succeed!

For comments or questions, please contact me at everydayblogging[at]gmail[dot]com